A woman recently took to Reddit to share her frustration after being asked to pay for a hen do she didn’t attend and had clearly stated she couldn’t afford. The bridesmaid, based in the US, explained how the maid of honour had planned an expensive bachelorette party abroad, and despite her upfront honesty about financial constraints, she was later pressured to contribute towards the bride’s costs.
The bridesmaid recounted: “From the very beginning, I let them know I wouldn’t be able to attend due to financial reasons—international travel and all associated expenses were out of my budget. Everyone seemed understanding at the time.”
However, after the trip concluded, the maid of honour sent a message to a group chat consisting only of bridal party members who missed the event, requesting each of them to chip in $300 (around £220) to cover the bride’s share.
READ MORE: Inside Gloucestershire’s Newest M&S Store at Cotswolds Designer Outlet
READ MORE: Persistent Cannabis Odor Disrupts Lives in Four Streets of Stonehouse
“I was completely blindsided,” the bridesmaid explained. “At no point during the planning did anyone mention that those not attending would have to split the bride’s costs. Had I known beforehand, I would have made it clear that I couldn’t afford it.”
She expressed feeling conflicted: “I understand wanting to treat the bride, and if I’d gone, I might have contributed towards her expenses. But asking for money after the fact from those who didn’t even attend feels unfair, even manipulative.”
Seeking advice, she turned to Reddit, where many users sided with her, saying she shouldn’t be obliged to pay. One commenter noted the unfairness of being asked after the event, especially without prior notice. Another advised speaking with the other non-attending bridesmaids to see if they felt the same way, calling the request “grimy.” Several described the demand as manipulative and recommended politely declining.
The situation highlights the importance of clear communication and sensitivity when planning group events, especially with varying financial situations among participants.