Romantic relationships often thrive when rooted in genuine friendship. Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor, social scientist, and bestselling author, emphasizes that building a strong friendship with your spouse is essential for a lasting marriage. Speaking on The Peter Attia Drive podcast, Brooks stated, “One of the most important things for a happy life is a partnership with somebody who will be the last person you see as you take your last breath.”
Brooks explained that the ultimate goal of marriage isn’t passion but friendship — ideally, being best friends with your partner. While loyalty and kindness remain vital, it is the closeness of the friendship bond that often predicts whether a marriage will endure.
One of the most striking signs of marital trouble, according to Brooks, is loneliness experienced between partners living together. He warned, “One of the greatest predictors of divorce is partners who are lonely while living together.” When couples lose shared interests beyond parental duties, loneliness and disconnection can set in. Brooks encourages couples to continually explore interests together to maintain connection.
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He also clarified the difference between loneliness and solitude, noting that while everyone needs some personal alone time, sustained loneliness within a relationship signals deeper issues. Friendship, he insists, is crucial regardless of relationship status for overall wellbeing.
Supporting this, NHS England highlights that high-quality social relationships enhance mental and physical health, leading to greater longevity and happiness. Loneliness and social isolation are linked to numerous health risks, including higher mortality rates and poor life satisfaction.
The NHS also offers guidance for managing loneliness, reminding individuals it can affect anyone and emphasizing the importance of acknowledging feelings without shame. Practical steps to combat loneliness include joining social groups, engaging in enjoyable activities, maintaining communication, volunteering, and inviting others to join shared experiences.
In sum, nurturing a deep friendship within marriage stands out as a powerful predictor of both relationship satisfaction and longevity. Couples are encouraged to prioritize connection beyond routine responsibilities to foster enduring bonds.