Fiona Phillips' diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer’s has profoundly affected not only her life but also the lives of her family. Her husband, Martin Frizell, has become her primary caregiver and has learned firsthand the complexities and challenges of living with the disease.
Now 66, Martin has adapted to this new reality by immersing himself in understanding Alzheimer’s, developing unique strategies to ease Fiona’s distress. One crucial lesson he shares is the importance of never saying “no.” Rather than correcting Fiona or denying her perceptions—which can escalate anxiety—he chooses to gently go along with her reality.
For example, during moments when Fiona believes he is a kidnapper holding her captive, Martin plays along by pretending to take her “home” to her deceased parents. They walk around their neighborhood as a way to calm her, an approach he calls “role-playing.” He explains, “The textbooks say to never argue with a dementia patient, although even without the illness you could never win an argument with Fiona, so we play along.”
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This compassionate but unconventional method has become their way of managing difficult episodes. Martin candidly recalls the painful experience when Fiona expressed confusion in the most heartrending words: “You’re not my husband.” Despite the emotional weight, he understands these words come from the illness, not Fiona herself.
Martin elaborates in his contributions to Fiona’s new book, Remember When, sharing the raw realities of caregiving. He speaks openly about how Fiona struggles daily, living “in the present” and grappling with memory loss and communication challenges that once defined her successful television career.
While the disease brings frustration and depression for Fiona, certain things still bring her joy—like listening to The Stylistics, her favorite band from her youth. Martin describes how music momentarily revives her spirit, prompting her to sing along and ask him, “Please don’t leave me.”
After 28 years of marriage, including Martin’s decision to leave his ITV career to support Fiona full-time, their journey is marked by both hardship and unwavering love. Martin stresses the importance of trusting one’s instincts when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, acknowledging that no one approach fits all.
Though social invitations have faded and life’s past pleasures have diminished, the couple continues to navigate the uncertainty together. Their story is a poignant reminder of the strength and compassion required to face Alzheimer’s.