When Paula White found a note from her father, Charles Graham, slipped through her letterbox late at night, she feared the worst. Her instincts were right: Charles had strangled Paula’s mother, Davina, at their home in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire.
Despite the devastating circumstances, Paula, now 43, has chosen forgiveness and empathy for her 78-year-old father, who is serving a three-year sentence for manslaughter. She believes Charles endured years of abuse during his marriage to Davina and now wants to raise awareness about men who quietly suffer domestic abuse.
Davina, who struggled with mental health issues throughout her life, was both a familiar community figure and a source of turmoil behind closed doors. Known locally for her generosity, including gifting fruit baskets, she could also be unpredictable and abusive. Paula recalls, “It was like growing up with Jekyll and Hyde – you never knew which side of mum you’d get.” Her mother’s violent mood swings and frequent threats of self-harm created a volatile household.
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Charles, a former paramedic, often shielded his daughters from Davina’s outbursts, bearing the brunt of her verbal and later physical abuse. Paula remembers how her father never retaliated, quietly enduring the torment as Davina’s behavior worsened with age.
The family faced multiple tragedies. After Paula’s sister Kerry lost her young son Brandon in 2002, and later passed away herself in 2016, tensions within the family escalated. Davina’s selfish actions even disrupted Kerry’s funeral, revealing the depth of her instability.
Paula’s own sorrow was compounded in 2012 when her baby daughter was stillborn. Instead of offering support, Davina blamed Paula, deepening emotional wounds.
As Davina’s aggression intensified, she even threatened Paula’s grandmother, leading to a restraining order. Secret meetings between Charles and Paula became necessary to avoid confrontations.
Despite her mother’s abusive nature and even an arrest for arson threats, Charles remained in the marriage out of love and a desire to protect others.
Tragedy culminated on August 30, 2024, when Davina, having been hospitalized and released after a suicide attempt, returned home and threatened Charles with a knife. In a moment he describes as losing control, Charles strangled her.
He immediately confessed to the police and wrote a heartfelt note to Paula expressing remorse. Paula remembers the shock and numbness she felt upon learning what happened.
At court, Charles pled guilty to manslaughter on the grounds of loss of control, and Paula testified for both sides. She believes her father acted in a moment of extreme provocation after enduring years of abuse.
Reflecting on the ordeal, Paula feels a complex mix of grief and relief. “I do miss mum, but we were always in limbo,” she says. “Now, we’re free from that fear.”
Paula holds no resentment towards her father, recognizing the pain he endured. She has lost both parents but hopes her story will shine a light on domestic abuse affecting men as well as women.
“Men can be victims, too,” she emphasizes. “Domestic violence is often seen as a taboo topic for men, but it’s real. I want to encourage others to speak up and find the courage to leave abusive relationships—no matter their gender.”